


Hail Satan

by Joel7th



Series: Hail Satan [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Emo-Ben, Horrance, Immortal Klaus Hargreeves, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Gore, Mild Sexual Content, Possession, Pseudo-Incest, Spoilers for Season 2, implied alcoholism, mention of The Sparrow Academy, slightly dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joel7th/pseuds/Joel7th
Summary: Klaus died. Again. This time, he got to meet Lucifer instead of the girl on the bike (God).
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Lucifer Morningstar/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Hail Satan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930132
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	Hail Satan

**Author's Note:**

> This is by no means a crossover but Lucifer’s appearance in this fanfiction is based on The Dark Lord/Lucifer of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (portrayed by Luke Cook).

The man was Klaus’s wet dream in flesh.

Dark curls that made Klaus yearn to thread his fingers into and just _pull_. Jawline for days. Smoldering eyes that bored info Klaus’s soul, incinerated it and then scattered the ash to the winds. Long, lean fingers that could bring heaven or hell once they discovered the golden spot in him. Perfectly defined clavicles and smooth, tanned chest tantalizing him through a generous slit of his garb.

The man was all sharp edges that offered nothing but deep, weeping cuts if Klaus got tangled with him. He was the kind of man Klaus’s gut instinct warned him to keep a distance from the moment his gaze found him, and it wasn’t entirely because the man was sitting on a literal throne of skulls.

Klaus wanted to laugh out loud and commented on how realistic it looked, and that he had never seen such an artistically crafted prop so kudos were in order for the craftspeople; he couldn’t move a muscle, for an icy fist had settled in the depth of his guts and now chill was being injected into his veins. Goosebumps formed on his exposed, clammy skin. His teeth chattered.

The man smiled at him, a half-smile that absolutely did not reach his eyes. Experience had taught Klaus that men who could smile like that were never not lethal.

Sweet, sweet toxin.

Yet, Klaus couldn’t help gravitating toward him when he heard the man’s rich baritone.

“Come, Child.”

A short, clipped order with no room for other interpretation. Klaus’s feet moved forward against his will.

They only stopped when he was only a few feet from the man. His knees twitched.

“Do you know where you are?”

“I’m still figuring it out,” Klaus replied, grinding his teeth to keep the quiver out of his voice. “I’m agnostic.”

“Want to play a small guessing game?”

“No, though I have to admit you’re a huge upgrade from the little girl on a bike.”

The man’s chuckle was low and throaty. “You have met God.”

“She kicked me back to the mortal plane before me and my old man finished our heart-to-heart. Am I right to assume you’ll do the same?”

“Eventually, Child, although I prefer a gentler method. You look fragile enough already.”

Klaus was taken aback by the unexpected geniality. “Thanks… I guess,” he said. “I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that the Devil is a teensy bit kinder than God.”

The man — the Devil, Satan, Lucifer — laughed. “So you have made a guess.”

Klaus pretended to count the fingers on his left hand. “There’s not many alternatives really, and you do look the part.”

“I thought I had tucked away the horns and hooves?”

“Devilishly gorgeous,” Klaus corrected.

Lucifer’s lips quirked. “Quite a tongue you have. We may as well have our own heart-to-heart to while away the time.”

Klaus’s thought immediately rushed to his siblings, outnumbered and out-powered, and how they were struggling as he spoke. “Can’t you send me back, like, a little sooner? If you don’t intend to keep me here forever, what’s the point in keeping me here for a while?”

Lucifer tsked. “Procedure, Child,” he replied. “Time passes differently when you are here so worry not about your little heathens. They may not even be aware that you have gone.”

Klaus breathed a lengthy sigh of relief.

“Do you remember the reason you came here?”

Klaus remembered with stark clarity. How a thick, slimy tentacle wrapped around his throat and straight up cut off his air flow and not in the way he usually enjoyed. His vision blotched and his connection with a dozen ghosts he had manifested was brutally chopped off. Then he was _flying_ , weightless as a puff of breath for a few seconds, before gravity barged in to remind him of its ever presence. It might sound a bit of a cliché but it was exactly what happened: he heard a nauseating crunching noise — no pain at all — before total blackout. When he came around, he was greeted with the sight of the hottest man he’d ever seen.

 _Hot as Hell_ , his lizard brain unhelpfully supplied.

“I do,” Klaus replied. “There’s worse ways to die though.”

Lucifer graced him with another half-smile which would be hella creepy on a slightly inferior visage. “What do you desire?”

“To return and help my family of course. What else?”

“Look at me, Child—”

Klaus whipped his head up and looked into his eyes at once.

Before his penetrating gaze, Klaus suddenly felt buck naked and incredibly small.

“—and tell me what you truly desire.”

“I…”

Something cool was slithering down the inside of Klaus’s throat. His hands went to his neck, bitten nails scratching and tearing the skin. The more he tried to cough it out, the tighter it wound around his vocal chords.

This was nothing like pain. Pain, Klaus was familiar with, had even educated himself to relish it. This, this was far worse.

“What do you desire?” the Devil repeated the question for the third time in unhurried tone, looking down with cruel amusement on Klaus’s kneeling form.

“I want… I want my brother back!” he spat, and the thing uncoiled at once. “I want Ben back with me! I don’t give a shit if he’s a ghost or human. I don’t give a shit if he wants to possess me or take over completely. I just want him back.”

What came out of his trembling, blanched lips was not only the last syllable but also the thing in his throat. A small, sleek black snake that slithered away while Klaus could only stared in disbelief. He panted, feeling the last ounce of strength to fake his composure exsanguinating through his pores. Stupid dumb fuck. Who was he kidding anyway? Before him was the literal Devil. There was no way Lucifer hadn’t seen right through his transparent pretense.

“I take that back,” Klaus said, gritting his teeth. “God or Devil, you’re both dicks. Was that really necessary?”

“Expectorate the truth lest it festers in your chest or hatches a venomous snake to consume your heart. Does it feel better to finally vocalize what your heart truly desires?”

“Why should Satan concern himself with a single human’s desire? Don’t you have more significant matters to deal with? Ruling Hell, torturing souls, corrupting humans, that kind of thing.”

“Human desire is my drug of choice, let us not forget,” Lucifer drawled, lifting a finger.

“Weed is cheaper,” Klaus said.

Despite being in the presence of friggin’ Satan, Klaus couldn’t help his one-liner-tendency, which had earned him a couple split lips and bruised ribs in the past. Soon as dread started spreading in his guts like wildfire, he felt an invisible force pull him to his feet. His joints popped in protest and it took all his willpower in this life and probably the next to not squeeze his eyes shut in anticipation of a blow.

It would be one _Hell_ of a blow.

… Which didn’t come.

Huh?

Lucifer didn’t sound pissed; if anything there was a soft, seductive undertone in the way he drawled the last syllables. “I am offering you a deal, to get what you most desire… for a price.”

Klaus widened his eyes and stared at the King of Hell as if he had only now truly seen him for what he was. “You can… bring Ben back?” His lips were moving, though he was unsure whether he had really voiced the sentence. “That’s-That’s impossible!”

“So are the odds of a human walking out of Hell, yet I allow you to go nonetheless.”

“Ben shouldn’t be in Hell! He went into the light. His place should be in Heaven, where he can be at peace.”

Lucifer chuckled. The force moved Klaus’s legs until he was within his reach and the Dark Lord only needed to extend his arm to catch his chin. “Did you truly believe any of you could make it to God’s garden? You, who makes spirits dance to your tune like a puppeteer? Or you brother, who kept demons under his skin?”

“But Ben…”

… had been the most kind-hearted among them, with a Saint’s patience to put up with all of Klaus’s shits.

“You said you wanted him back by your side.”

“Does Ben want to come back? I mean it’d be selfish to force—”

“Does it matter what he wants? _You_ are the one to make a deal with me, the one to pay the price.”

Lucifer’s eyes flashed red, and in that split second Klaus saw his reflection on the Devil’s irises. The real ‘Klaus’, bared of the glamor he meticulously wore to hide what was inside. Rotten, reeking of alcohol and nicotine and whatever else he willingly put into his emaciated body to stave off the sweet stench of death. He shuddered, his blood drying in his veins.

Ben had seen the real Klaus, and he had stayed until he had to leave.

Klaus didn’t want to think about the reason for Ben’s untimely departure, because once he made a mistake and fed the hideous, resentful creature inside just a morsel of his thought, it would grow and grow and eventually devour all of his affection for their sister. Klaus didn’t want that, and he was absolutely certain Ben wouldn’t want that for him. But the creature was strong, and he wouldn’t be able beat it without Ben.

“What is the price?” Klaus murmured, more to himself than Lucifer.

Lucifer leaned back against his throne and smirked. No word left his lips but inexplicably Klaus got it loud and clear what he had to give to have Ben back.

He made quick work of his clothes, stepping out of them and stepping up to Lucifer.

The Devil’s hand on the small of his back felt like ice and a red-hot branding iron at the same time.

…

Red.

All he saw was red.

The stark white of the polished skulls had been painted red.

Red from his veins.

Klaus honestly had no idea how his skinny body could have hold so much blood.

So exhilaratingly terrifying.

He quickly discovered he still had more to bleed when he stared at his forearm, laying limply on the ground, in morbid curiosity. The Umbrella tattoo had completely gone, along with several strips of flesh. Good riddance. The tattoo, not his flesh. Klaus had always loathed Reggie’s brand on the six of them. Vanya was lucky to not have to bear it for the rest of her life.

“You are holding out much better than I initially thought, and I am impressed.”

Lucifer’s voice floated around Klaus and his ethereal presence enveloped him like a haze of blood. Klaus supposed he should feel cold (he had when the Devil first touched him) but at this point his body had transcended physical sensation, with most of its skin (and some tendons) torn off. It felt like he was on the heaviest kind of drug, one that numbed his senses until he was but a stray soul stuffed into a random flesh bag by accident.

“I could do this all day,” Klaus slurred. “Any other piece of furniture you’d like a thorough makeover? I never knew red would look so good on things. Super eye-opening y’know?”

He heard the Devil’s smile (weird, right, could you hear someone smile?) and felt fingers in his messy curls. Long, lean fingers that had gifted him glimpses of heaven in the intervals between hellish acts.

“Still so eloquent after all of this, or perhaps I have been lenient on you. I will keep that in mind for our next rendezvous.”

A soft breath tickled the back of his neck, raising the fine hairs there, and all of sudden Klaus began to _feel_ again, the mist of drug completely dispersed. It was like having ants under his skin and though it sounded yucky, it wasn’t necessarily terrible in his case. Klaus watched in astonishment as his skin knitted itself back like a film in rewinding mode.

“Next time, right. Lucky me. Satan’s Slut.”

“It does have a nice ring to it,” Lucifer chuckled, materializing next to Klaus.

Oh well, the least he could get out of this infernal deal was seeing that divine body in its blazing glory, Klaus mused. He propped himself up on his arms and reached for his discarded clothes. “Will put that in my résumé. Sure to impress a few.”

He stared at Lucifer’s offered hand for a whole fifteen seconds before taking it and letting himself be pulled to his feet. The Dark Lord gestured for Klaus to follow him into a fiery portal, which he did without questioning or showing concern for his own safety. Compare to Lucifer’s pleasures the flame was almost tame.

“Why me?” asked Klaus, daring to look straight into the Devil’s eyes. “Do you have a habit of striking a deal with every self-loathing druggie stumbling down here?”

And fucked them _good_ , but Klaus didn’t have to state the obvious.

”Only the intriguing ones,” replied the Dark Lord. His hand cupped Klaus’s chin in a surprisingly gentle manner, the tips of his fingers grazing his pulse. Klaus fought the urge to lean into his touch; it’d been so long since he was touched like this, so long that he would welcome even the Devil’s.

“Everything that gives you reason to belittle yourself, your morbidity, your self-destructive tendencies, your incurable despair, your perpetual suicidal impulses, is tempting Hell. As the Master of Hell, how could I not muster a sliver of interest in such exquisite creature?”

Klaus chuckled dryly. “Good to know I got this awesome deal for being royally fucked up. Some accomplishment in life at last.”

Lucifer grabbed his face and pulled him closer until their lips were but a hair’s breadth from each other. Klaus jerked instinctively, which resulted in the Devil’s faux tenderness taking an agonizing twist. His body froze, going full submissive mode like his second nature, trained and perfected in the short eternity of their wicked tango. It seemed to please the Dark Lord, and his grip relaxed minimally.

“You seem to take it in stride. I am looking forward to our next meeting.”

Klaus sighed internally. He supposed he should fear for himself and his grim prospect; instead, his brain was empty save for a Ben-shaped thought.

It was worth it, he told himself. Ben was worth it.

“When will it be?” Klaus asked nonchalantly.

“When I call, you will be ready. Try not to be overly eager, Child, as I have other affairs to tend to.”

Klaus simply nodded, and was rewarded for his compliance with a searing kiss.

It was the very first kiss he got from Lucifer, all serpentine tongue and razor-sharp teeth. It tasted like ash and blood. He couldn’t decide whether to be repulsed or aroused.

Klaus settled for both.

He was a freak like that.

…

Of all the scenarios Klaus had crafted in his head during his short ‘field trip’ through Hell, seeing Ben in an infinite library was not one of them.

Klaus craned his neck as best as he could and still he couldn’t see the top of a gargantuan bookshelf. There was no ceiling above his head and the bookshelf shot up the velvet starless sky like a javelin.

“I thought Hell was meant to torture souls — not that I wanted my brother to be tortured, mind you. This is basically heaven for Ben.”

He couldn’t remember how many times he’d teased Ben for being a nerd during their greener years.

“Perhaps you should ask him,” Lucifer said, snapping his fingers. “Do not forget our deal.”

“Like you’d let me,” Klaus bleated.

He felt the Dark Lord’s chuckle on his lips before he was gone in a gush of wind that brushed against a lock of hair falling on his forehead.

“Klaus!”

No sooner had he registered the voice shouting his name with urgency than Klaus was tackled by a figure that charged at bullet-speed. If he was not just skin and bones at this point (Allison and Vanya had tried to have him eat more but to no avail) then maybe he wouldn’t fall to the ground, bringing the figure down on top of him.

“Jeez, Ben, have you gained weight here?” Klaus groaned.

Ben’s answer to his tease was a bone-crushing embrace. It hurt, and every fiber in his body was loudly protesting but pushing Ben away was the last thing on Klaus’s mind. He wrapped his arms around Ben and squeezed just as hard.

It would probably be better if they just melded into each other right here, right now, Satan and The Sparrow Academy and the world be damned.

When Ben finally released him, Klaus saw moisture condensing at the rims of his eyes. He wiped away Ben’s half-formed tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Did he put you here, too?”

Klaus was dumbfounded. “He? Satan, you mean? You aren’t surprised that I-I am in Hell?”

“Yeah, Satan, Lucifer, the Dark Lord, whatever,” Ben said, shifting his body so that most of his weight wasn’t on Klaus, which Klaus appreciated. His palm caressed Klaus’s cheek. “I saw you die, Klaus. I saw our brothers and sisters fight The Sparrow Academy, and I saw their Number One release a tentacle, which wrapped around your neck and flung you in the air like a rag doll and you broke your neck with the fall. I saw everything sitting here, unable to do a damn thing. It’s been a worse torture than being confined in this hole.”

Klaus glanced at the heavy-looking tomes on the shelves. “Why? I thought you loved books and your greatest regret was being unable to read every book in the world.”

Ben scoffed. “Imagine you had to sort through books and put them on their shelves day after day, books you can’t read a single frigging word.”

“And I thought being a librarian was the most effortless job in the world.”

Ben looked into his eyes, earnestness shining in his irises. “I wish I could go back, Klaus, to help our siblings. There are seven of them but only five of us left. Powerful as Vanya is, even she can’t turn the tide.”

The Sparrow Academy were a full team and due to that they were stronger; the same could be said about them.

“Go back with me,” Klaus said, holding Ben’s face between his hands.

Ben was understandably confused. “Go back where?”

“The world of the living, to help our brothers and sisters.”

“What are you talking about, Klaus? You’re dead, I’m dead, we’re both dead.”

“Temporarily, like the time I was in the rave, remember? I can go back right now, and dear old Luci allowed me to bring you with me.”

Ben’s brows furrowed. “Why did he do that? Klaus, what did you do? What did you give him?”

Klaus covered Ben’s mouth with his hand. “I’ll explain later, OK, you have to trust me on this, Benerino. Do you trust me?”

Hesitance was written on Ben’s munched lips and the deep crease between his eyebrows, and it took him a while to nod.

“Now listen to me very carefully…”

…

Klaus opened his eyes to Allison’s tear-stained face. “Did they teach you to cry ugly at Hollywood, sis?” he quipped.

Allison’s embrace rivaled Ben’s in strength. Klaus heard his bones groan. “Ouch ouch ouch, you’re gonna kill me for real if you keep this bear hug,” he said, patting her back weakly.

Allison relaxed her arms and stared at him in a mixture of shock and relief. “But you _died_ , Klaus! Five checked your pulses, there was none.”

Klaus sat up, pressing a hand to his bent neck. A sickening crunch echoed in the space between the two of them, causing Allison to wince. He tilted his head left and right, testing whether everything had been put back into their respective place. “Not my first time, I’m afraid,” Klaus said. _Probably won’t be the last._ “Was I gone for long?”

“Not long,” Allison replied, shaking her head. “You have to tell us what happened, alright, when this is over. Now I will go back and help our siblings, can you stay here—”

“No way I’m gonna play lookout for you guys again,” Klaus cut her, clenching his left fist, which started glowing blue. “I’m back and I’ve brought backup.”

Allison couldn’t help a loud gasp when a figure coated in blue light manifested next to them.

“Show time, baby.”

…

Even if they had claimed the first victory, the dust had yet to settle. The Umbrella Academy ragtag team — or Team Zero as Diego had proudly named them — knew there would come a time when they had to face The Sparrow Academy again, their siblings from the _same_ father, and their final showdown was not going to be pretty.

For now, the once-Hargreeves siblings allowed themselves a much-needed moment of respite.

When Klaus opened the bathroom door, wrapped from his chest to mid-thighs in a huge, surprisingly soft towel the motel had provided, he saw Ben sitting on the bed, examining the lines of his palms with an admirable level of concentration.

Were there any lines indicating that you would die and then get back to the land of the living, Klaus had to wonder.

“You may want to get rid of that mustachio,” he said, joining Ben on the bed. He unwrapped the smaller towel around his head. “To be honest, you look a hundred time better without it.”

Ben turned to him with unfathomable eyes. “I can shave, but I can’t do anything about this facial scar, can I?” he said, taking the towel and gesturing for Klaus to lower his head so he could start drying Klaus’s damp locks.

“The scar is kinda badass, I give him that. Also, what you did back then with Emo-Ben was _sick_ , man.”

Ben smiled wanly. “I didn’t think I could do that, even after what you told me. Not that I didn’t trust you, no. But when I saw his tentacles swing towards you, I remembered how you’d died a few moments before…”

Klaus practically glued himself on Ben’s form, clearly enjoying his ministrations. “How is Emo-Ben doing in there?” he sing-sang, poking Ben’s chest with a bony finger. “He’s not causing a ruckus, is he?”

“He’s been behaving if that’s what you’re asking. It does help that I took your advice to bind and gag him.”

“Smart!” Klaus commented. “Though my exact advice was—” he air-quoted “—crushing him to dust and dumping the dust into oblivion.”

Ben stopped drying Klaus’s hair to lay a hand on his chest, where his heart resided.

“But he _is_ me. If I killed him, would it be… suicide?”

Klaus contemplated for a few seconds, stroking his chin as he did, and nodded. “Yeah, probably. Killing yourself is… not good, I guess, even if it snubs the chance of your doppelgänger surfacing and reclaiming his body.”

Ben widened his eyes. “Like you did when I—”

“Nah, he probably won’t,” Klaus said, waving a hand lazily. “As long as we keep doing what we’re doing. We gotta trust the Devil on this, OK? So far he’s been holding his end of the deal.”

“What deal, Klaus?” Ben asked, his voice raising with concern. “What did you give him in exchange for all of this? He couldn’t have granted us this huge favor out of the kindness of his heart!”

Smartass, Klaus thought. The notion of Satan being altruistic was just too ridiculous to even consider. “I’ve missed you, Benny Boy,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek against Ben’s shoulder and feigning ignorance to his confused look due to the abrupt change of subject. “I’ve missed you so much I can’t even begin to put into words. Half of me had been dead since the day you were gone. The other half was too wasted to think about anything.”

“I-I’ve missed you too,” Ben stammered, turning his head sideway. Pfff. The blushing virgin. He even forgot to chastise Klaus for his drinking habit like he’d always done.

“You know I love you alright, but I’m not ready for this talk right now. I’m really, really tired. The whole dying and going through Hell and then back thing is super taxing.”

“Are you OK? Should I call the others?”

Klaus shook his head, removing his weight from Ben’s frame, and stood up to unclasp the towel covering his body.

“What are you doing?” Ben shrieked, turning his head so fast Klaus was mildly afraid he could get whiplash. He also squeezed his eyes shut.

Klaus dropped the towel on the floor, toeing it to the foot of the bed. “Oh come on, Benny, it’s not like you haven’t seen all of me already. I told you not to look when you took over my body but you did it anyway. Naughty, naughty boy.”

Ben mechanically turned his head back. He still had his eyes shut. “You were aware?”

“Of course I was,” Klaus said, jumping on the bed, causing Ben to wince. Motel beds weren’t exactly the most sleepable, but he was sure the moment he slipped under the cover, he would sleep like a log. “I also knew you liked what you saw. So come on, it’s all-you-can-look and you can have some touchy-touchy as bonus.”

Klaus grinned like the Cheshire Cat when he saw Ben gingerly open his eyes. It felt like his skin was on fire ̶ the best kind ̶ to have his brother’s attention focus on him. It had been forever since the last time, which he couldn’t even remember. However, his grin began to falter when he saw the rapid shift in Ben’s expression: from embarrassed but definitely interested to absolutely horrified. His eyes were wide, the blush had drained from his skin and he looked pale as a shadow even under the warm honey light.

“Klaus… Your… Your skin…”

He seemed to put great effort in spitting out the words.

“My skin?”

“Your tattoos… they have turned into…”

Klaus spread his palms. His gaze briefly examined them before sliding down to his forearm, taking a quick stop there and then traveling further down to his abdomen. Like Ben’s unfinished sentence, his tattoos had all been replaced with inverted pentagrams that looked like they had been branded on his skin and the wounds had not the precious time to heal completely.

He didn’t need a mirror to check that his remaining tattoos had shared the same fate.

Klaus sighed inwardly. _So unimaginative._

He made sure to share a piece of his mind with the Dark Lord the next time they met.

“So you can see them,” Klaus said with a nonchalant shrug. “I wonder if they’re visible to the others’ eyes as well or it’s just you, because, you know.”

“What the hell are these? How did you get them?”

Hah, “hell” was the right word.

“What can I say?” In his softest voice Klaus said, holding up his hands with the palms out, the way he had taught his once-upon-a-time cult. “Hail Satan.”

Klaus had no idea when he said that, his eyes also flashed red.

Red like the Devil’s skin.

_End_

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clarify, Ben hadn’t seen the marks on Klaus’s body before Klaus invited Ben to his “all-you-can-look” buffet because Ben had been embarrassed and tried to avoid looking at his naked brother. Also, it’s easier to miss things on a person’s body if you don’t look too carefully (based on my experience).


End file.
